Marked Year

So much of my life changed in 2011.  We moved homes, changed cities, gained new neighbors, Jessie started school, and we incorporated Judson’s Legacy.  My day-to-day looks drastically different than it did when the year first began.  But those are the external changes…

2011 brought significant internal changes for me as well.

God gave me a renewed sense of his faithfulness and provision.  When we began the year on January 6^th with the tumultuous foreclosure of our home and challenging interactions with our landlord (see Destructiveness of Deception, We are Moving, and Renewed Hope) , I was struggling to understand why God was allowing such tearing circumstances to touch my already fragile heart.  I was hurt, frustrated, and confused.

What I could not foresee was the grace that lay ahead.  Through the challenges and heartache of uprooting, God was moving us into a home and situation that have proved far better than we could have even imagined, meeting needs we didn’t even know we had.  God was showing us firsthand how it is often through struggles and pain that his faithfulness is revealed.

Then in November God provided unexpectedly for Judson’s Legacy in a manner that once again reminded us that his ways are often so different than our ways, but he is always at work.

In light of our on-going journey of brokenness, I was especially desperate this year for these concrete reminders.  God opened my heart to freshly see these overarching truths, truths to which I must cling each day, even when I cannot tangibly see what God is doing in my life, particularly through the loss of my Jud Bud.

But my ability to live with that loss changed this year too.  My heart as a grieving mother has grown; the weight of my ache has changed.  I find myself maneuvering through the pain with greater ease.  The hurt is present, it is just different somehow, almost as though the pain was living as an uninvited guest in my heart, but this year I allowed it to move in and become part of me.

2011 will be a marked year on my journey, not simply because of all the outward changes, but because God revealed himself to me anew.  I will continually come back to this year when I need to be reminded that God has a loving plan and purpose for my life.

That said, I look forward with hope to 2012, longing to be faithful with whatever God may have before me.