My Birthday Boy

December 24, 2011

Judson, Sorrow

Happy Birthday Buddy Boo!

It’s hard to believe you would be seven today, Juddy.  Seven!  When I think of age seven, I am reminded of my own childhood and how much I remember from that time; so much of who I was becoming started to take form around that age.  It was such a shaping year.  Yet, all that you would ever become took place before the age of three?!?  Amazingly, in that short time, you became more than most ever become—full of strength, joy, peace, grace, truth, and love.  You are still teaching and leading so many of us who are following after you.

But what is especially surprising to me is how my memories of you are growing and maturing with me.  I have never wanted you to be left behind.  I’ve feared it.  But somehow I see you in a way I never thought possible.  You are developing in my mind.  This is a gift.

It is particularly a gift as this year brought so much change in our lives.  Whereas in previous years, life looked fairly similar to the time when you left us, so much changed this year.  Very little in our lives now reflects the life we had together with you.   But you markedly remain a beautiful and central part of it…and I know now it will always be that way.

You are a part of me.  You remain a part of our family.  You are my son.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death, can ever change that.

More and more hope is emerging out of the ashes of losing you.  We are growing together, Judson, and I am grateful to have you traveling with me on this difficult journey, even as I still long deeply for your tangible presence.

I miss you.  I miss you like crazy, Bud Bud.  But what seems now like an eternity’s distance, will someday be just a breath away.   For now, I celebrate your life by embracing each precious memory God has graciously given me of you.

Happy Birthday, my little man!!  Happy 7th Birthday!!

All my love,
Mommy

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13 Comments on “My Birthday Boy”

  1. Bayley Paharik Says:

    Christina, I’m thinking of you everyday, but especially on today.
    Jud is and always will be an amazing boy!
    His life here on earth was amazing and his life in Heaven is amazing.
    Jud is special and always will be special.
    Happy 7th Birthday, Jud the Stud!
    You have amazing parents and a loving sister who
    love you dearly!
    They will always love you and even though your
    life here in earth has ended, they will still
    love you.
    Merry Christmas Levasheff Family!

  2. Michal Ann Says:

    Oh, what an wealth of birthday blessings in this eternally hopeful post. Thank you for the excellent report of light and love that fill your lives now and FOREVER!

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Thank you for seeing the light in my letter and for journeying with me even in the darkness, Michal!

  3. Garrett's Says:

    Happy Birthday big boy!!! You & your family are loved!

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Thank you, Katy & Garrett Family!!!

      I will never forget the poster you had for Jud’s birthday outside our home on that first and horribly difficult birthday after he died. You are a blessing!!

  4. Patty Hall Says:

    Juddy, you have been such an inspration to me and so many others. Some adults could not have endured the the pain and suffering you did and still had that ray of sunshine peeking through the cloulds. Your sweet sweet spirit has left us with the most wonderful gift that does not come from this world. Only you and God knew why he was taking you, but now we know that if you stayed we would never have gotten to know you and felt the strength that he gave you, it was a gift to us . Happy birthday, I know you r enjoying each of the eternal seconds. Im so glad that someday we will be able to meet you in person, or should I say in your glorious spirit. Thanks for everything.

    • CLevasheff Says:

      What a gracious, loving, and encouraging comment, Patty. Thank you for loving our boy and let him touch your heart in such a way!!

  5. Freya Says:

    As always I am struck speechless by your mothers love… I feel the saddness too, but it really is a forever relationship, isnt it. Happy birthday big boy!

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Every message and comment from you touches a tender place in my heart, Freya, as I know you have felt extreme depths of pain as a mother. Grateful for you!!

  6. Rebekah Says:

    Happy birthday (a day late), Judson! I can’t believe you would be seven now. I wish we could have seen the amazing young man you were growing into. You certainly accomplished a great deal in your few years. Your life is truly marked by its impact on so many, including me. I love that about you. I hope my boys will make a difference, just as you have. But my mother’s heart wants you back in your family’s arms, and so with them, I await that day of reunion when my heart can rest satisfied that you are together again. That will be a triumphant day when the blessings of the cross will really hit home and we will taste the tangible results of being “bought with a price”. I am so grateful for the redemption we have. Happy birthday, Jud… you are very special!

  7. Sandy Mitchell Says:

    Happy Birthday, sweet Judson!! Christina, you are amazing and I am so proud of you and your family as you keep growing in your love for Judson and all that you continue to do to celebrate his life and allow his life to keep touching and changing others. He is still missed, every single day, but oh what he has accomplished. Sending lots of love to you all!

    Sandy Mitchell

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