My Dear One

November 7, 2011

Judson, Loss

A Poem for My Jud Bud
On the 4th Anniversary of His Passing

I held you close
With death at the door,
Each breath full of labor
But I wanted more.

Your broken body.
My broken heart.
I was desperate for healing
That wouldn’t tear us apart.

But in a whisper
I heard Him say,
Let go, my dear one.
He can no longer stay.

With all the strength I could muster,
Though it would tear me in two,
I opened my heart
To liberate you.

So in a whisper
You heard me say,
Let go, my dear one.
I know you can’t stay.

I held you close
As you breathed your last breath.
You found new life,
While I’ve lived with death.

Your restored body.
My still broken heart.
I am desperate for Heaven…
When we’re no longer apart.

So in a whisper
I hear you say,
Hang on, my dear one.
We’ll be together someday.


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32 Comments on “My Dear One”

  1. Katy Says:


  2. Teri Says:

    Beautiful…thinking of and praying for you all…my girls still hold you all in nightly prayers.

  3. Barbara Melton Says:

    Beautiful indeed.
    May the pain of this day be superseded by the sweet, joyful memories that you and your family had with Jud. May the day that holds great power and pain but turned into a great celebration of his life.
    I am praying for our Father’s arms to wrap around each member of your family today.

  4. Carey Brown Says:

    Thinking and praying for you guys today. You guys have been remarkable in this experience and journey. Thank you for allowing everyone to share in your joys and sorrows.
    xo. Carey

  5. Jody Says:

    I loved this Christine!!! It is bautiful!!! 🙂

  6. zefira Says:

    Beautiful poem! I know how you feel 2 weeks ago was 3rd anniversary how i lost my baby girl.Thinking and praying for you guys today.

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Zefira, I am SO sorry you know this same ache. Sending love to you as you miss your baby girl every day.

  7. Eric Baesel (@seancom) Says:

    We’re thinking about you and Jud today. Our love and prayers are for you.

  8. Christine Bonacquisti Says:

    Beautiful poem for a beautiful boy.

  9. Rebekah Says:

    I wish that it didn’t have to be this way. That you didn’t have to experience that heart wrenching day and all the days that led up to it. I cannot wait till the day that you are able to take Judson in your arms again and be completely healed…
    Thinking of you so much today,

  10. Anne Myerscough Says:

    Emotional, yet comforting poem to me Christina. As I approach and anniversay date soon. This brings me comfort as I face, so many feelings and emotions. I think of you today, and I will remmeber Judson with a sweet smile on my face. My heart is with you today.

    Anne (Chancey’s Momma )

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Oh, Anne, I know this ache is ever so fresh for you. We know deeply the gift of our children as we also feel with every breath the pain of their absence. Glad we are on this journey together. I love that Chancey Pants!!

  11. Kristy Says:

    Once again, your gift with words is evident. I remember the pit in my stomach 4 years ago when I read the email that Jud had flown to heaven…sigh. I have been thinking of you all day long…I wish you could have walked Jud and Jessie to school together this morning…

  12. Millie Says:

    Beautiful poem. God bless your family on this day and hope you like a video I made in honor of Judson on his fourth angelversary. I sent it to your e-mail. I sent you one last year also.

    • CLevasheff Says:

      LOVED your video, Millie! What a sweet blessing you are to people whom you have never even met!!

  13. Michal Says:

    Praying for your precious family with love…

  14. Greg Says:

    You guys have been on my mind all day, Christina, and my heart aches for you more today than most days. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It’s so hard to imagine how, but I know God must have given you the strength to write this just as He does to help you get by each day. Love you my friend ❤

  15. Dan the Man Says:

    Hi Christina, Tis I, “Dan the Man”. I just read, ” My Dear One”, and of course I sobbed like a little boy who just stubbed his toe. It was absolutely, heartbreakingly ( I don’t think that’s a word) beautiful! What a gift God has given you to express yourself in an such an eloquent, strong, yet totally vulnerable way. As I read your poem over and over, I picked up my guitar and started finding melodies that I could sing the words to ( which was kinda hard tryin to sing and not cry at the same time), and I realized this could be a beautiful song. My question is, would you allow me to write it as a song to give to you? I would love to do this if you would give me your blessing to do so. My #714-962-5264 if you wanted to discuss this with me. It would be an honor for me to do this, but of course I want your permission. Peace in Jesus, Dan

    • CLevasheff Says:

      Dan the Man, you have no idea how incredibly honored I would be!!! Thank you for continuing to engage our life and story. What a blessing you are!

      • Dan the Man Says:

        Christina, Judson touched my heart in a way that changed the way I look at life, when he smiled with joy in his heart to hear us sing his favorite song, “Jesus Loves Me”. I know he was suffering greatly at that moment, but he shared his love of Jesus at that same moment with all of us. I will carry that moment with me forever especially when I speak of courage, or when I feel sorry for myself, or when things aren’t going my way, or when I think of someone I’d like to be more like, I’ll think of Judson. I’ll be in touch with you guys. In Jesus, Dan.-Oh yeah, and thank you so much because I’m really going to enjoy doing this

  16. Lisa Says:

    Beautiful poem! Absolutely beautiful! It so reminds us that our will isn’t HIS will, that the plans HE has for us are almost always very different from the plans HE has for us! This is true even in my life as Ive had to deal with a chronic health problem for going on more than 10 years but yet I persevere. God bless you all and have a Merry Christmas!

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